Last week was the flu...this week is mega stress...

...so this week I have tons of things I need to cram into prep for Christmas. To say that I will be stressed is an understatement... I wanted to blog - but I'm not sure I'll get to until after Christmas...


HOWEVER... I do want to find time to do a new theme for "Reitter's Block" for the new year. It will probably just be up until the end of January/early Feb and then I'll do something else (probably sled dogs)... and I've finally chosen a theme.

In honor of the Sons of Liberty coming to TV for a three night event starting January 25, I'm gonna have a patriotic theme....

and I think THIS man will be featured in the banner... because... well... *fangirl*

This photo is just begging for me to use it in some way... and I don't think blowing it up to poster size and hanging it in my room is an option! LOL Definitely a banner for my blog...

Sons of Liberty Promo is out! - My Thoughts

Okay there isn't too much to go on.. and the promos/styling of "Men Who Built America" and even "Houdini" were better made... but O!M!G! I am excited. Mainly because, yes, I'm a nerdy fangirl of two of the actors in the series (Michael Raymond-James who plays Paul Revere, and Ryan Eggold who plays Dr. James Warren), and I LOVE history. American Revolution is one of the time periods I'm always curious in as it's mainly - at this point - told as legend and the facts are romanticized. So when MRJ announced his new project last... May?... I was nerding out.

This take that History Channel seems to be taking is an interesting one. We know that the Sons of Liberty were sometimes looked at as more terrorists than revolutionaries (especially by the Brits... which I guess they have every right to call it that way ha ha), but it will be interesting to see the slant the history channel gives us. It definitely sounds like they're going to be more vigilante than most history books make them out to be (including one of the books that MRJ tweeted as being his reading material - yes I went and borrowed it from the library. Remember, I'm a stalker). I think this is the first time I've ever read "The Thug" next to Paul Revere's name (um, can we say typecasting?! just once I think MRJ should play a total straight man prince charming type... something "out of the norm" for him! ha ha!) so I'm even MORE interested to see Michael Raymond-James in this role.

What's also of interest - and possible concern - is that you can hear MRJ/Revere yelling "The British are coming!" in the promo. It's been widely discredited as being his actual words - more likely "The Regulars are coming" was what Revere said that night. If he even shouted out a warning at all. (American Spring, the book I'm reading, suggests that he rode up to homes). He also was not solo in his ride, and the promoshot of apparently Revere's ride has him as a lone rider. But it's a split second shot, so we'll see.

I love teasers but I'd also love to see more! I'm sure I'll get my wish as time goes on (they just wrapped filming a few days ago). December 14 cannot come soon enough!


[[ many thanks to the Michael Raymond-James Fan Page for uploading the promo! ]]

Movie Review: Road to Paloma

I have a confession, I wouldn't have watched this movie all the way through (or at all) had it not been for the fact that I wanted to see Michael Raymond-James in something other than Once Upon A Time or Terriers. If you're an MRJ fan like me wondering if it's worth it or not, this review will probably be more for you than anything else.

The story was written and directed by its star Jason Momoa (Game of Thrones), and follows Robert Wolf as he goes on a journey to spread his mother's ashes at a lake of special meaning to the family. Problem is Wolf is a fugitive - he's wanted for murdering the man who raped and beat his mother (ultimately causing her death).

Wolf's mother was attacked on the reservation by a white guy - meaning he would not see tribal justice, he would go through a federal court. Somehow the guy got off, so Wolf took matters into his own hands (towards the end of the film he confesses to his sister, "I'm not sorry for what I've done, I'm sorry for what I've lost.") Wolf's father (Wes Studi) is tribal law enforcement and did not approve of Wolf's actions, but understands them. He does his best to keep the law while protecting his son. The system failed their family, so he's not as trusting of the system as he once was.

The Feds want Wolf, and are unhappy with how the local law enforcement has handled the situation (he is slow to find and apprehend Wolf, and even suggests in several scenes that Justice has been done in his mind). They send one of their best agents, who is a brutal guy, to go after him. And go after him he does, he'll stop at nothing to get his man - including threatening Wolf's family with jail or worse. The local guy tags along giving help where needed, but drags his feet as much as possible.

After meeting with his father on the reservation to tell him of his plans and ask about his mother's ashes, he finds out that his sister is the one who has them. He heads her way, coming across another down on his luck guy (named Cash) and together they make their way. Honestly, I don't understand why Cash is brought along or what his story is (he keeps calling a woman about selling a house but that's never fully explained). I guess Wolf just didn't want to be alone?

There are a few significant scenes as they make their way across country (state?) as well as just some beautiful cinematography of the area. Pretty inspiring photography, actually.

Wolf's sister is married to Wolf's best friend Irish (Michael Raymond-James). While Irish is mentioned many times throughout the film by many of the characters, he isn't in the film until close to the end. This is disappointing for fans of MRJ who are looking to watch this movie for his performance, but at the same time he doesn't disappoint. (Note, as a fangirl, I realize I am biased.) Irish and Eva (Wolf's sister played by Sarah Shahi) are happily settled with a new son when Wolf shows up at their door. Irish is overjoyed in seeing his friend and the scene is genuinely happy. (Seriously, who doesn't want an MRJ hug? I hate hugs and I want one!) Irish introduces Wolf to his "godson" (and nephew) named... Wolf.

Wolf's reunion with his sister is equally happy, but quickly turns serious as they discuss his lack of future. He asks her for their mother's ashes, and while she agrees that scattering them at the lake is what their mother wanted, she isn't ready to give them up. Wolf assures her he only wants to take a little bit - the rest can be scattered on Eva and Irish's property. The two agree, and share an embrace and tears. Meanwhile, the Feds have figured out where Wolf is headed - and where Irish lives. They're quickly making their way to catching up with the fugitive.

After some bro time late into the night, Irish asks Wolf if he's ready. The guys, along with Cash, hop into Irish's truck and he takes them out to the lake. Irish returns to find Eva and baby Wolf inside and they have company. The scene that comes next is intense and horrible. The Feds have found them, and when they don't get the answers they want out of Eva and Irish they arrest Irish, and take Eva out of the house - taking baby Wolf away from her. While holding the child - threatening to take the child away permanently - Agent Williams continues to badger Irish with questions on where he took Wolf.

Michael Raymond-James gives off a very emotional performance as a man who is torn between protecting his son, and protecting his friend and brother. Knowing the Federal Agent has the upper hand and can and will make good on his threat to throw Eva in jail and revoke their parental rights, Irish relents and agrees to show Agent Williams where he took Wolf and Cash. It's a heart breaking scene, and every other word out of MRJ's mouth is pretty foul (and even Agent Williams quips "your daddy has a potty mouth.") It's dark and ugly and both actors are intense in their roles. It's probably one of the better scenes in the film, all things considered.

*Highlight below to see my take on the ending*

Wolf is able to make good and scatter his mother's ashes. Irish does his best to give Wolf enough time, but Agent Williams prods on. Williams asks Schaeffer (local law guy) to bring along a gun, presumably to stop Wolf from running. As they come up on the ridge Irish yells out to Wolf to watch out that they were there. Agent Williams knocks Irish out (hey, at least MRJ doesn't die this time, right?) and orders Schaeffer to take the shot. After a brief argument - during which Wolf begins to run - Schaeffer takes the shot. He doesn't shoot to kill (I think he takes out a leg), but Wolf does not want to be caught. He stabs himself and bleeds out in Cash's arms. And that's the end of the film.

Overall this movie is not a feel good movie. It's well directed from a cinematography standpoint, but in places it's rather slow. The story, while interesting, has a few "squirrel" moments that don't fully get explained and left me with wondering what the heck they went down that path for. My biggest question mark is the character of Cash - I just don't understand the need for him (presumably since he was played by one of the other writers the need came from the guy needing a part in the movie ha ha) and there were parts of his character in scenes that seemed to be significant - but it was never explained why it was significant.

I honestly would not have watched the entire film had it not been for the fact that I wanted to see what MRJ brought to the table. Aside from the scenes with Wes Studi (Wolf's Father), the Irish & Eva scenes had the most heart and were the most "enjoyable" (I can't think of a better word, but not all scenes were enjoyable). Most scenes leading up to the Irish/Eva scenes I think are written to humanize Wolf and show that he's not a bad guy - that he was somehow justified in killing his mother's rapist/murderer.

The movie touches on the Native American community's distrust of the Federal Government. Hey, I get it. The same tensions are here in Alaska with Native Alaskans and the rest of the world/Government (shoot, most Alaskans no matter what their ethnic background share those feelings!)  I also understand first hand how rape is treated in our judicial system, in so many cases it seems they bend over backwards to protect the rapist and ignore the victim. And I, somewhat hypocritically, love a good vigilante story (I'm a big fan of the TV show Arrow, based on the DC comic Green Arrow... and I grew up loving Batman). I think the movie could've focused more on the subject, and been a little less one sided (how/why did the guy get off, for example).

The family scenes/emotions/themes in the film really drive this film. Momoa is a big dude, and has an intimidating look, but his character for all his rough ant tumble qualities seems to have a big heart and it shows in the different scenes with friends and family. As I said earlier - I really loved Wolf's reunion with Irish and Eva. They are the only *warmth* in the whole film (and that's shown not only in the acting but the lighting of the film as well). Not really surprising that MRJ was cast as Irish. He had great chemistry with everyone on screen. Very believable. Actually most everyone in this film was spot on.

Overall from a storytelling/acting/movie perspective I give it a solid 3/5. This is NOT a film for someone looking for a clean dramatic film. There's some nudity/sex... and a LOT of language. I didn't try to keep count of the F-bomb... and they went further than that in their language. It wasn't really needed to get the point across (though in all honesty I don't blame Irish for going nuts in the scene with Agent Williams). But I knew going into the film to expect it (I mean when several actors are fans of being on shows on HBO and FX because they get to curse, an R rated movie for them is a dream! haha).

I actually expected more offensiveness in the movie, and was surprised that it was mainly language that was bothersome. The other stuff that I was expecting was very short or non-existant. So if language is your thing use your best judgement at whether or not to watch - I'd rank it pretty similar to "Book of Eli" content wise... but with a less wholesome/positive message at the end.

For MRJ fans specifically wondering - like I did - if the movie was worth getting/watching/renting. Yes, it is. Not just for Michael's performance (which was far too short) but for the movie itself it's worth it. If you can stomach the language (which I assume most can) then you should get a lot out of the movie. Irish is a great character (and is a typical MRJ role), and Mikey lights up the screen like always. I really really liked his scenes. They come at the end of the movie so you have to be patient but it's worth it. I didn't get emotional in the parts that were supposed to be emotional, but that's because I'm dead inside - not because they weren't well acted.

You can rent the movie from Netflix if you want to check it out (I would), or it is now on sale on Amazon and in stores. I might look at adding it to my collection.

"A dream is a wish your heart makes..."

My dream job since high school has been to be a tv/film director. I've pretty much given up on that dream as really I have no way of really learning the craft (or maybe I just don't have the drive it takes to learn). I have a lot of creative ideas and what not, I just don't ever have the focus to get something done.

So my other dream job is the one I have at present. It's not going to make me millions, but I get to tell stories through my pictures and I get to watch families grow and change through my lens over the years. So that's a joy in and of itself.

Still, if I ever could make a movie... it'd be a "biopic" of the First Iditarod. I'd want to do something Alaskan, and hey, the Iditarod's a great subject... I've had a few ideas for casting in my head for years... though I'm pretty sure the actors I have chosen would be very anti the project (Hollywood is the home of PETA afterall) but it's still fun to dream.

Joe Redington Sr. - John Krasinski

Dan Seavey - James Marsden (I've thought he'd be perfect to play a Seavey since 2007 lol)

Dick Mackey - Michael Raymond-James (and not just because I'm an obsessive fangirl)

Dick Wilmarth (first champion, controversial history lol) - Eion Bailey

That's all I've got so far in my dream cast ha ha... tell ya what, it'd be a good cast of good lookin' guys, that's for sure (a whole lot better lookin' than the actual group LOL). It'd be a whole lot of fun filming it in Alaska with actual sled dogs... stunt coordinator and stuntpersons would be real mushers... it'd be just... yeah... awesome.

Best thing to happen this year?

 Hmmmm, well... maybe it happened today? When one of my favorite actors retweeted one of my tweets (granted a gush tweet about the tv show he starred in, but still).

It's been a pretty lackluster year, don't judge me. It'll get better come September though! 54 days to go!

These are a few of my favorite things!

Day 11 has me listing fifteen of my favorite things, so here we go...

1. Photography. Mainly portrait, sport, and travel photography, but I love being able to document life.

2.Country Music - not the stuff from my grandfather's era, but 80s-today? Oh, yeah. Love me some country music!

3. Pugs - specifically the ones I've been blessed with in my life. I miss my Yuka girl every day. She was my heart, and there will most likely never be another one quite like her. No doubt she's tearing it up at the Rainbow Bridge.

4. My "Niece" Haille Rae. She is such a beautiful young lady. I was so blessed to be added into her family (granted I am related through my aunt but minor detail). I miss her, and wish we were closer so we could hang out like we used to. She's the funniest kid I know, and super smart. I'm so proud of her.

Taken a few years ago, how quickly they (kids and dogs) grow up!

5. My "Other Niece" Delaney. She's high energy, crazy, and highly entertaining. She is her momma through and through. She's a Disney Princess and a Pirate all rolled into one. I can barely keep up with her, but one thing about her - she's never boring! I am loving watching her grow up.

6. My Best Friend in the entire world - Erin. She is the Joey to my Chandler, the Larry to my Bob, the Dale to my Chip. She's my partner in crime, the one who's always willing to go along with a crazy idea or adventure. She's my sister from another mister (and the daughter my mother never had - my mom's words there, yup, feel the love). I miss her as she's all the way away in Montana, but when we're together we make up for lost time. Here's to another 15 years of friendship! Guess at this point we're stuck together for life!

7. Sled Dogs - I could say the Iditarod, but really it's the sled dogs (and most of the mushers) that I love. Sled dogs are AWESOME.I grew up loving the Iditarod and its stars, and after working for mushers for the last 7 years, I can definitely say it's gotta be one of the most awesome lifestyles. But the dogs... oh, the dogs.

Mitch Seavey's Iditarod Champion dog Pentecost in 2013.

8. Disney Parks - comes as no surprise, right? I've been to Disney World and Disneyland - and am going to Disneyland again this September. I'd love to visit the other four Disney destinations, they're definitely on my bucket list!

9. Figure Skating - I love watching it. No, I can't skate. Don't really care to learn, either. The idea is nice, but I have trouble balancing on two feet, I don't need to add blades to them. So I will watch and admire those that can do the most amazing things on those blades.

10. TACOS!!!!! As I said on one of the other prompts - I LOVE TACOS! My mom makes the best, but really I'm not too terribly picky about my tacos. Love me some Taco Bell. Love me some Playa Azul (local Mexican food place). Yum... TACOS!!!!

11.  The TV Show Terriers from FX. It was 13 episodes before it was cancelled. It makes me sad that there aren't more (though honestly if it hadn't been cancelled, Michael Raymond-James wouldn't have gone to Once Upon A Time, I'd have never seen Terriers because I'd have not fallen in love with MRJ). It's a good show, entertaining, and MRJ is freaking adorable as Britt Pollack.

12. Broadway Musicals - they can be on stage or in movies. Either way I LOVE them. I love some I haven't even seen, just heard the music. My iPod is filled with showtunes, and I have a movie musical collection. I'm a big time nerd, so this is no surprise either, right?

13. Alone Time - I LOVE being alone. I love the quiet. I love not having to answer to people, talk to people... listen to them eat/chew/talk with their mouths open. Watch what I want to, when I want to, how I want to. Give me my pets, and that's all the interaction I really need. If I need human interaction I can go online.


14. Historical Fiction - I love novels that use real historic events as the basis of their books. Favorite era is the Civil War for that type of reading, but I've been known to read a good Revolution piece, as well. I love reading in general, but when I can put my love for history into an "entertainment" form it's even better.

15. Spielberg movies. With the talk of Spielberg being an evil dinosaur trophy hunter this week on social media, I just thought I'd throw that out there. As I said in another prompt, I LOVE Spielberg. Love his work. Even when it creeps me out (ET) or makes me bawl buckets (War Horse). Gah. Love it!

65 Days till Disneyland!

20 Facts About Me

Day two of the 31 day challenge is to write about 20 facts on myself. This should be boring, eh? But in case anyone was actually interested...

1. I am a huge 49er Football Fan. I have been since pretty much birth (if not before). Both sides of my family are from Northern California (but my parents didn't meet until they were both in Alaska, even though they went to rival high schools), and cheer for the Niners. I was born the day after they won the Super Bowl in 1985 - mom wouldn't go to the hospital that Sunday because she was afraid they wouldn't let her watch the game. I'm a huge fan of Joe Montana, Jerry Rice, Colin Kaepernick, Frank Gore, Steve Young, and Coach Harbaugh.

2. I love all things Iditarod and sled dogs, but I won't drive a sled. I've never stood on the back of a sled and told the dogs to "hike up" or "mush" (who says that command anyway?). I have sat in the sled while a friend drove her team of two down the trail, over an embankment and then bailed and let the dogs run me through an open creek. I then walked, soaking wet, back home. We were in Jr. High. I've never wanted to drive a team since. Though growing up I wanted to be the next Libby Riddles/Susan Butcher. I'm perfectly content to support the teams I love and work for the whackadoodle breed of human known as Musher.

3. I've taken TEN trips to a Disney park. 1990, 2006, 2011 and 2012 were to Disneyland in California. 2001, 2004, 2007, 2009, 2010 and 2013 were to Walt Disney World in Florida. I can safely say I haven't seen or done it all, but I have done so much and love going back. The trip in September to Disneyland (my fifth!) will most likely be the last trip to Disney for the foreseeable future, and that makes me sad... super sad. But I need to venture out away from my happy place... and I need to build up my savings.

4. I have never been on a date. I've not been asked since high school. It's not that I'm picky, it's just that I have a very... strict? idea of what dating and partnership should be. And, really, in 11 years since high school I haven't been asked. So I'm sure there's something wrong with me. Ha ha. But I'm actually quite content to be single. Until people put their nose where it doesn't belong. Then I am almost to pick some random guy up to shut everyone up and give them something new to gripe about.

5. I have an extra bone in my right foot. Apparently this is pretty common - though most folks have the extra bone in both feet. When my mom worked for a local chiropractor in town (I was eight?) he didn't believe us that it was an actual extra bone. Just one "out of alignment". He felt my foot and determined he was right, so without x-rays he began to try and manipulate it "back into place." It wasn't until I screamed out in pain and kicked him that he pulled back and said "I'll be damned. You're right." And people wonder why I DON'T like people touching me?!

6. Speaking of that - I hate giving random hugs, especially when I'm not the one that gets to initiate it. Like I physically HATE it. I give hugs to close family and friends, but really if I don't go in for a hug... don't assume it's okay. It's not comforting, cute, or friendly. I feel very confined, uncomfortable, and disrespected. It's one thing when the person doesn't know, but those that acknowledge that I dislike them (and then suggest I need to get over it) that's when I really take issue. I'm outspoken, but I'm also unable to really speak my mind in those situations... so I typically take my punishment and then the rest of the day is pretty crappy. Yes, it's that bad. No, I'm not going to change my feelings. It goes much deeper than someone's need to force me to hug.

7. Growing up as an only child I wanted a brother. Originally I wanted to be oldest with a younger brother, as I've grown up I've realized I wanted/needed someone older. This is going to make me seem hateful and uncaring, but the younger brother I was blessed with has caused so much pain and hurt and yeah that I feel very cheated. I really do have a yearning to have a protector, like the older brothers so many of my friends have. In the last year I've never wanted something more. I don't know why, I just really wish I'd had one. Interestingly enough, had my parents been able to adopt the boy that they were in the process of when they found out they were pregnant (and the mother was pulling out of the adoption) I'd have had an older brother (by about 6 months). I'm very thankful for the guys in my life through the years who were older and filled that role for me. Now that they're all away and married perhaps that is why I feel that desire again.

8. I have been obsessed with photography since I was seven years old. A friend from school gave me a point and shoot (film) camera and Panda Bear (it was a combo gift, not sure where he got it but I still have both the camera and the bear) for my birthday. I wore that camera out! My dad taught me the basics of SLR cameras and by the time I was in high school I was being asked to shoot weddings and portraits. I decided that I didn't want to do anything else - except maybe become a film director. I did not go to college for photography, however. I wanted to get into TV/Film direction. So I basically wasted a lot of time and money because I didn't end up with a degree, and I didn't achieve my goals. Mainly because I'm a poor student.

9.  I am a HUGE Steven Spielberg fangirl. Like SUPER fan girl. I have a collection of his films (not complete, but we're getting there. I got a late start!), even ones I won't watch (ET because he scares me, and War Horse because it crushed my soul). To me, Spielberg is my generation's Walt Disney. He brought to life dinosaurs, brought us Indiana Jones, and even the supposedly flawed Hook brought about imagination. For all the fun that he brought to our lives, though, he's also brought the important stories of WW1 & WW2 - the horrors of the Holocaust, the tragedies of war as well as the beauty of those souls fighting for what they believe in. I could gush about him and his work all day. SPIELBERG!

10. I love Alaska. I was born and raised here, and Lord willing I will die here. I don't want to live anywhere else (except maybe Cinderella's Castle). I live in Kenai - where I was raised - and you can't convince me there's a better place on Earth.

11. I still love the show FRIENDS. I have just about every episode memorized, and my bff and I are known to have full on conversations using only quotes from the show. I got hooked on it just a few weeks before it ended, and I sat with my bff and hugged her as the finale happened. She was a HUGE fan while it was on the air (still is) and was the one that got me hooked. But she's the one who cried. I made fun of her for getting SO involved with a TV show...

12. And then 10 years later - yeah, it was my turn. If you've followed my blog in the last few months you know where I am going with this. I got hooked on Once Upon A Time last year. It was a great escape for when I lost my beloved pug dog Yuka (while I was away from home visiting my bff, ironically). I was SO excited for the third season of this show. It was going to be dark, it was going to have twists. There were going to be pirates, and mermaids, and Neverland... and then the second half of the season happened and I had fallen in love with a character that, unbeknownst to me, was going to die. I have never been affected by a television show as much as I apparently have with OUAT. I cannot get over them killing off Neal Cassidy. I've never experienced the grief over a character of a tv show like this (I have for movies, so I know it's possible). And I've lost quite a few favorite TV characters over the years. Michael Raymond-James (as I've gushed about before) is a fantastic actor. I'm sorry it took me so long to recognize it, but OUAT will not be the same without him. I cannot WAIT for Sons of Liberty (History Channel, premieres December 14th, yes I will be obsessively watching). Yes, I did have to do this just to mention MRJ. I'm a crazy person.

13. Speaking of Sons of Liberty, I am a huge US History nerd. I like world history, too, but US History gets my attention far more than anything else. Revolutionary War, Civil War, and our involvement in World War 2 are my favorite categories (oh and Lincoln and Washington). I have to give a shout out to my 8th grade US History teacher, Bob Summer, for giving me a love of the subject. Even if my grades didn't always reflect it (I was a huge disappointment for him, I didn't apply myself. My grades did not reflect my capabilities).

14. I used to be really into politics as well, but have become increasingly more jaded. Probably the Alaskan in me. Hard to care about national politics when you know your vote doesn't count and that you have a very non existent voice.

15. I have been a huge fan of figure skating pretty much my entire life. From the time I was nearly four all the way till now I've watched the sport and fangirled over so many of its stars. I believe the years of 1984-2004 was the best era of figure skating (peaking from 1994-2000). It's considered the "Golden Era" of modern skating in the West. Kurt Browning is the ultimate figure skater. We will never see another like him. Medals and titles don't matter (though his four world titles are nothing to sniff at!), he is far superior to anything the sport has produced before or since. I could watch him skate all day. Scott Hamilton is the ultimate showman, but Browning is the real deal.

16. My first celebrity crush was Tom Selleck as Magnum P.I. when I was a toddler. I would "call" him on the phone and talk to him for hours. I can't stand him now. Go figure. But I've always crushed on older actors. Very few from my age group are in my "best actor/hotties" list (well, that was more true before I started watching Once Upon A Time, most of those guys are my age-ish). I wanted to marry Scott Hamilton (figure skater) when I was four, and I've crushed hard for Harrison Ford, Kurt Browning, and a host of other older guys from the time I was in Jr. High. As I said earlier, I'm crazy.

17. I love tacos. Tacos are my most favorite things EVER. I could eat a mountain of tacos. They are my major weakness. I live for Taco Tuesday/Thursday. I love taco salad when I can't have tacos. Which is any time I have to cook tacos because I refuse to cook with oil over a flame.

18. I am terrified of cooking with oil because I set my parents' kitchen on fire when I was 16. In my defense I was sick and thought I'd put the tea kettle on to boil water to make some hot cider. In my cold med stupor, however, I turned on the wrong burner. It was an electric stove, so there was not flame to indicate that I was boiling the wrong thing. Mom had left a pot of oil on the stove. I walked out of the room for mere seconds and WHOOSH! I've been terrified ever since, though I love to cook.

19. It's just been in the last few years that I've loved to cook. It was out of necessity when I lived on my own, and now I miss not getting to cook more. I love planning my menu, going based on a theme, and making it all come together. I get this from my grandmother as she was the master planner and chef. I wish I'd embraced cooking sooner so that it would've been something we could have enjoyed together, but it makes me feel connected to her even though she's gone now. We'd always enjoyed baking, and now that I have found the love for cooking I have to believe G'Ma is smiling down on me.

20. I am a massive planner when it comes to vacation. I don't go as far as to do the spreadsheets (well, sometimes), but it's how I cope with the wait. This started back when I began working on the family 2007 trip to Disney World. I found a disney travel message board that encouraged this behavior. It's been a lifesaver SO many times, and now I'm kinda obsessed with planning. It's half the fun for me!

So there you have it, 20 facts about me. Probably more than you ever cared to know, but it is what it is... and if you actually read all that you deserve a cookie. Not going to lie. So I'll leave you with this adorable MRJ gif (yes I'm obsessed and I don't even know why. I feel like a stalker! LOL). I really need to rewatch Terriers again. Britt Pollack is too funny.

Just a few countdowns

What I'm currently counting down to (other than my Disney trip).








Just a few. Not too bad considering this is me we're talking about.

BOOM! OUAT's Jennifer Morrison Speaks - and fans hopefully listen

Jennifer Morrison - aka Emma Swan in ABC's hit TV Show Once Upon A Time - saw some heated discussion thrown her way earlier today for comments she made about a character on the show. It was in answer to a question about Neal Cassidy (Emma's first true love, played my Michael Raymond-James, who was killed off the show in the second half of the season), and it had Nealfire/Swanfire fans upset.

Fans have been upset for months now with the death of the character - arguing that it happened only to open the door and allow Captain Hook to "win the girl". The creators, writers, and actors have all been "confronted" by fans on twitter demanding answers, demanding Neal be brought back. Certain actors have been vilified for the characters they play, or for what they have or have not said in response to the character death.

The "other side" of the fan wars have been no better, antagonizing and creating rumors. It's gotten ugly. It's gotten bitter. It's definitely made ME wish I hadn't gotten so into the social media version of the fandom (all I wanted to do was follow the actors! what was I thinking?!). As someone who likes both Neal and Hook it's been hard to keep my sanity much less hold my "virtual tongue" on the matter.

Morrison got a lot of heat today with her comments in Monte Carlo saying that Neal and Emma would've had a hard time being the ultimate true love - but that it probably would've happened had he lived. But that Emma would've had a huge hill to climb with the betrayals. It's the multiple of betrayal that had most people at least questioning her statement as most (including me) could only think of one - when he left her at August's request and let her go to jail (nevermind that, that last part was August, not Neal). I was amazed by the hate that was spewed at the actress almost immediately.

Having not been paying attention to her Monte Carlo trip (I normally don't follow the cast around while they go off and do the interview circuit... and I'm really not interested now while I'm still bummed MRJ will not be joining them this year *tear*) I really had no idea what was going on when I logged onto twitter this afternoon. But once I got caught up I had to just roll my eyes. We're taking all of this far too seriously, folks. It's a TV show.

Yes, Neal is a fantastic character. Michael Raymond-James gave such heart and warmth to him that I can't help but really connect with the character (it took time, but OMG... I'm obsessed). But this is not a true life or death situation. This is not the end of the world. MRJ has survived - he's got himself a project that he's excited about (declaring on twitter that "#This1feelsspecial"). And while yes I GET THAT IT IS SAD and FRUSTRATING and something that makes us ANGRY (I have felt all of these emotions more than once since Quiet Minds airred), it is NOT THE TRAVESTY WE'VE MADE IT OUT TO BE.

Was it bad writing - I've contested that it was not the best writing. That it was too soon - too close to the last time Neal "died". However, the way it was written was well done. Neal has been very well respected in the episodes after Quiet Minds as well. This was not to placate the fans - not entirely. It was to give MRJ and Neal the send off he deserved. I hope that this is not the end for him - flashbacks, for me, would be enough if nothing else. Yes, there is a lot of Neal's story that should have been shared. Does it make sense to leave it open ended - this fangirl says no. But others have said that it is. Who am I, as a biased fan, to judge that?

Morrison took to her facebook page to set the record straight, and I'm glad she did. SHE DID NOT OWE ME OR ANYONE an explanation. And while I agree that she probably shouldn't have acknowledged the poor behavior of a few fans, I am glad for my own peace of mind that she did. I have wanted to know how the actors felt about losing MRJ (we've seen some of the "non regular/primary" actors voice their love), and I wanted to know what she meant by the multiple betrayals.

Her explanation is one that I totally understand and get. I typically don't see the "broken" scene where Neal grimaces and then we don't see him again until it's revealed as who he is to the story (first as Emma's lover/the reason she went to jail/Henry's father... and then in a later episode as Baelfire) as a betrayal. But it's obvious that Emma/JMo does. And she knows better than I do. In fact Emma lets him know that it hurt - and that's when he apologizes to her. Saying he wanted to love her, but he was afraid that she'd never forgive him.

Emma will ALWAYS love Neal, always has. But she has to move on for the sake of his memory - she PROMISED him that she would. That it's going too fast is irrelevant - this show moves too fast between emotions and always has. I get that it's icky that she's falling for the guy who at one time was "having relations" with Neal's mother, and I agree. I'm not a CaptainSwan shipper (nor am I a SwanFire shipper, though if I HAD to choose I'd lean more to SwanFire), but I have thought since season 2 that he'd end up being a love interest. In fact in Season 2 I was pulling for Hook, not Neal, to win her heart. It wasn't until we saw Neal fight for Henry and Emma that I started to better like his character.

Ultimately I have to agree with the last part of JMo's statement:

"All that being said, I wish Neal was still alive. I love working with Micheal Raymond James, and I believe that he is such a special part of ONCE UPON A TIME. It was a huge loss for me personally and for Emma when his character died." -- Jennifer Morrison

It sums it up so well... and I've always thought that she was affected by it personally. Her scene with Rumple in the finale where she is crying "I loved him, I wanted to save him. He died a hero, you can't take that away from him," I felt was just too raw and real for her to be acting (I am not a fan of her acting style in general. She normally leaves me cold. But not in that scene).

So, thank you, Jen for giving clarification even though you didn't need to. Hopefully as MRJ begins work on Sons of Liberty he will keep us updated on the progress, and production of OUAT will resume and people will calm down and remember - that even though these are wonderful stories... they are just that, stories (sorry, Jefferson). The people playing these parts are not out to get each other, that they are human just as we the fans are. Let's give them some respect, and the benefit of the doubt... and let's all try to get along.

Another OUAT cast gush post

Stuff like the posts by Sean Maguire (Robin Hood) today just make me happy. With the fan wars going full bore in this summer hiatus of the show, due to the whole Neal's dead and CaptainSwan is happening now, it can get very frustrating to be a fan and read the hate. A lot of it is typical back and forth between what ship is better (SwanFire, CaptainSwan... SwanQueen... blah), and others are just maddening (rumors of a certain actor being "mistreated" by cast and creators, rumors of same actor causing issues on set which resulted in getting fired, and of course the whole "Captain Hook's character is the poster child for Rape Culture" crap).

I've been wanting to rant about the whole Captain Hook/Colin O'Dognahue hate for a while... but I won't be getting into that fully tonight. This is more the whole "Michael Raymond-James deserved better from his castmates" posts that I've read ever since Quiet Minds. Granted, the actors that are most referred to in those rants are the ones who have only referred to MRJ's character when talking about the scene and haven't come out and said much if anything at all about MRJ except to say they'd miss him. Colin O'Donaghue being the exception when he replied to a tweet early on in the aftermath to something Michael had tweeted about working with Colin.

However, that somewhat changed tonight with Sean and Michael's tweets today. Sean obviously does not fit the mold that folks are trying to force the OUAT cast into. As being these hateful, high schoolesque people who don't care about each other and have cliques. I'm sure any set has their share of cliqueish manners, but the OUAT cast seems to genuinely enjoy each other's company and friendship. And if we're going to take our favorite(s) at their word then who's to say it isn't true?

Sean and Michael obviously had a friendship on and off set. Sean, of course, playing Robin Hood who befriends Neal in the Season 3 premier and ultimately helps Neal get back to Neverland to help save Henry. They had a small scene in Season 3B (basically Hood is glad to see Neal survived the Neverland thing, but is sad to hear that Neal and Emma and Henry were once again separated). Interestingly enough I don't recall watching a lot of interaction between the two on twitter, but I was fairly unaware until very recently of the entertainment to be had watching this cast on Social Media. LOL
 
Sean is, in a way, replacing Michael on Once come next season (this is more an assumption on my part, but he definitely got MRJ's screen time for 3B). His character is going to find himself in a love triangle similar (if not even more tragic) to what Nealfire-Emma-Hook had. And I've seen a little bit of flareup from the Swanfire side... which is understandable. I've even felt that twinge of... jealousy? against the men who get to keep going on the show... It's me being selfish of course, but I do feel that Neal/MRJ had more to give the show... but it just couldn't happen with the direction the story was going. Rightly, or wrongly (time will tell on that).

But here's the thing. After it all happened fans started making up a lot of crap to somehow justify hating on certain people. The Once Cast was vilified for not "protecting/standing up for" a fellow cast member who was "forced off" the show. Ignoring for now that the actor supposedly "abused" by the powers that be came out and said his peace about it (he understood the decision, was okay with it, and has nothing but love for cast, crew, and creators), fans have basically started seeing conspiracy upon conspiracy as to how awful life was on set for this guy.

Yet we're seeing time and again on social media the cast continue on as they had before Quiet Minds. For someone so "disliked" for whatever reason, he certainly gets a lot of love from the people who supposedly "betrayed" him.

So why is that? Perhaps it's because what happened with the character of Neal and the development of his story happened exactly - or nearly so - as what the actor and creators have said. Perhaps, instead of freaking out on the people who worked with MRJ, fans should just realize that these things happen on television shows. And, let's face it, if you're a fan of MRJ you KNOW it's bound to happen. He either plays a very unlikeable guy, has a tragic storyline (that typically lands him in jail lol), or he dies... or there's a combo of those things.

Hopefully when the new season of Once is upon us, and the miniseries of Sons of Liberty (Michael's new project) airs the emotions of this past season will have passed or at least died down. I keep telling myself that all it will take is Michael getting a new something on TV for me to get over Neal not being on OUAT. I'm less angry about it than most, but I'm no less bummed about his death... and wishing/hoping that he will somehow not be dead ha ha. But, ultimately, I don't vilify anyone for the decision. It's their story and without it I'd never know about some of the awesome actors on there (MRJ being the main one I'm thankful for OUAT for).


I'm rambling so I'll stop ranting for now. I have VBS brain. Hopefully I can get my brain back so I can be more coherent.

Why I love the OUAT Cast - reason 5,823

I love how supportive they are of one another - even after an actor has left the show (though in my heart I really really really hope we have not seen the last of MRJ/Nealfire on Once). Michael Squared (as I've decided to call them lol) are both two of my favorites on and off the show. Great actors.

Just had to get my fangirl moment in there.

Because I haven't *at all* fangirlled today over the news of MRJ's new project... nope, not even a little bit. /lying Okay, I may have interrupted VBS with a not so silent "OMG! *SQUEE!*" when the news hit my twitter feed. Yay for the soonish finally happening and we know what to expect. And GET THIS! He's not going to DIE or have a super tragic storyline... or be a douchey bad guy! OMG! My dream! ha ha!

/fangirl

30 Days of OUAT - Day 29: Favorite Season Premiere

Day 29 - Favorite Season Premiere

I gotta go with the Pilot episode. It opens SO well, I mean from the intro to Prince Charming racing down the road towards finding his true love to awaken her with true love's kiss. Everything seems so much like what we know of the story... and then all hell breaks loose.

Season 2's premiere was nice, but at the same time the whole "Mystery Man" portion (aka Michael Raymond-James walking through NYC before coming home, losing his ipod, and getting a postcard with the word "broken") was just really annoying. Don't get me wrong, as an MRJ fangirl (now) I love seeing him, but it made NO SENSE! Especially since we don't see him again for several episodes and it just didn't seem to fit within the rest of the story (and I'm STILL not sure it does)!

Season 3's was somewhat of a let down (actually all of 3a feels that way), even though - once again - an MRJ fangirl gets some quality stuff out of the character of Neal (much more so than in Season 2's opener). There was just too much going on with Neal in the EF, Henry with Greg and Tamara finding out who they were taking orders from, and then the rescue party on the Jolly Roger (and all of the secondary characters back in Storybrooke). It was all just too convoluted.

But the Pilot episode had a beginning, middle, end... and a purpose. A real one, not just a "let's get back into this and introduce the new characters" kinda thing. Only thing that'd make it better is having MRJ in it, but we couldn't know who Neal was until Season 2... it wouldn't have fit the storyline... wouldn't have given us enough angst. We needed to work up to finding Baelfire... and besides we wouldn't have August trying to fool Rumple without us not knowing who Bae really was.

I had to get a few fangirl gush moments in, so sue me. Ha ha.

30 Days of OUAT - Day 28: Best Actor/Character

Day 28 - Best Actor/Character

And no one is shocked, right? Though in all honesty I probably don't even agree with my pick (really for me it's a three way tie between MRJ, Robert Carlyle, and Colin O'Donoghue), but I keep coming back to Michael Raymond-James. I mean if you've followed along with the 30 days of Once so far you know how I feel about his character Neal Cassidy, and if you follow me on Twitter you know I've been quickly catching myself up on his work. (Well, for the most part... the idea of watching his True Blood or Black Snake Moan character terrifies me. LOL!)

I don't want to do a huge gushfest considering I've gushed pretty much non stop all month, but I do want to say that I believe MRJ to be a very underrated actor (at least to the general public). He's more than just a character actor (guy is totally typecast ha ha), he's very skilled at his craft. His style is very laid back and natural on screen and that makes his characters believable. It's his warmth and charm that makes Neal a likeable guy even after all we find out about him (which in the grand scheme of things I don't believe makes him all that bad a person... it's all totally forgivable, which is what Emma does... but I digress).

If you want to see him shine outside of OUAT, I highly recommend Terriers. It was a short lived (not even a full season) show that he was a co-lead on. It's a "buddy drama-edy" about two down on their luck type PI's who end up getting a case that's way bigger than they realize. It was on FX and just didn't get the ratings (I kinda remember the promos for it, but I never watched it when it aired. Wish I had). You can stream it on Netflix (which I do regularly) - it's 13 episodes and well worth the time to take a day and binge watch. If the pilot doesn't catch your attention, keep watching. I wasn't hooked until episode 2 or 3, even with it being MRJ (I'm not a fan of Donal Logue's acting, so it took a while to get over him being co-lead with Michael).

With Neal now dead and gone (with creators Adam and Eddy both repeating the OUAT mantra "Dead is Dead" whenever asked about a possible return for the character) Michael fans are waiting to hear of his next project. He tweeted a while back that after an extended vacation he was back to work on a project he's excited about. He ended the tweet with "Details soonish"... and THIS fan is convinced it's "soonish" and he needs to spill! Especially since he keeps popping up on twitter every few days to share his "pearls of wisdom" (the latest being on washing dishes).

Whatever the project is I really hope it's a good one. Not a couple episodes arc on an established TV show where he ends up dying or some other tragic storyline. I want to see him branch out and play something that we haven't seen much of in his filmography - because judging by his interviews, twitter, and the like... he seems like a fairly happy go lucky kinda guy. So, come on, dude! A little less depression for your fans, please?! ha ha!

Oh, and totally superficial/random/weird point - as a photographer I cannot get over his eyes. They catch light perfectly and make them just stand out and are soooooooo beautiful... and I don't normally say that about dark eyes. But dang.



Oddly enough, however, I don't think Neal is the best character on the show. As much as I'm obsessed over the whole "Quiet Minds" thing, and how much I admire the actor, the character took a while for me to warm up to (not MRJ's fault, the writing didn't make him all that likeable for a long time). No, the best character award most definitely goes to Neal's Papa, Rumpelstiltskin. Robert Carlyle is a sheer genius in this role (and I probably should've given him his due as best actor... but puppy dog eyes won out on that one ha ha).

Seriously this man plays evil to perfection, and he does it in a way that the character is still so sympathetic. Even though he abandoned his son - dropped him down a portal! - and murdered a mute maid because she found out his dagger is what controls him, you still feel for him as he searches for a way to reach Baelfire in the land without magic. You cheer for him when he finds love with Belle (even if the age difference and scales make it kinda creepy), and your heart breaks each time he "loses her"... and then Quiet Minds happens where his son tells him to let go and tells him he loves him with his final breath... and we weep for him. And during his sons funeral, while he's caged and Zelena's prisoner, he feels every painful shovel of dirt burying his son - forever separating them. And you just want his pain to end.



Rumple's relationship with his son is yet another reason why I really really hope that this is truly NOT the end of Nealfire, even though I know it is.

30 Days of OUAT - Day 27: Most Shocking Moment

Day 27 - Most Shocking Moment

Pretty sure this one ranks right up there. I had thought for weeks - really since the second half of season 3 began - that Neal was the one who sent Hook to get Emma. I don't know why, but I just thought that either they had both tried to get back to her and Neal had somehow failed to survive the trip (thinking to who could possibly be the character to die that they warned us about), or that he couldn't make it and knew that the Jolly Roger was the only way to get back to the Land Without Magic. Remember, Neal is probably the one who knows best how to travel from realm to realm (other than Jefferson who is a non-factor to the story these days due to the actor not being available).

However, after "Quiet Minds" where we see Neal essentially die in his father's arms (and get absorbed by him... still weirds me out), so I figured I was wrong. Because Neal had no knowledge past the flying monkeys being a signal that the Wicked Witch of the West was around what was going on with the Charmings ("You're acting like that's normal"). He didn't know Zelina had threatened them, or that no one but Emma could defeat her. That is, until "A Curious Thing" airred. There we find Belle and the others going to Rumple for help. He's locked away in his own castle with the madness that having his son in his body/mind keeping him from being controlled by Zelina. Belle asks him how they can defeat the witch and he riddles them with the answer - Emma.

Towards the end of the episode - after Zelina finds out that the Charmings have re-enacted the dark curse to get back to Storybrooke and find a way back to Emma - Zelina comes with a memory potion for Rumple so that he can retain his memories - should he so choose. Rumple contemplates taking it, and just as he puts it to his lips an unseen force throws him back against the wall. He struggles and then that all too familiar and creepy bad CGI melds two faces together - the same two faces as in Quiet Minds. Neal rips through his father's body taking the potion, saying they aren't the ones that need to remember - Emma is. He rips his shirt, writes a message, calls a dove (some say that's proof he's a Prince(ss)) and sends the message to Hook.

Some say this shows him out of character - because he trusts Hook. Neal has only ever not trusted Hook where his father was concerned. Post Neverland, I don't even think he much cared/worried about that. Yes, he saw Hook as a rival for Emma's affection, but even towards the end of that part of the season Neal was willing to "let her go" if that's what made her happy. But NONE of that was what was being done in this scene. It was not his "blessing" for CaptainSwan to happen. Neal knew his fate in that moment (and would've known it in Storybrooke had they had their memories of the year in the EF), he needed to have someone as desperate as he was to get back to Emma get her the message. He knows Hook's capabilities (probably better than most anyone else still alive on the show). He TRUSTED him with the most important task.

Like Neal said in Quiet Minds - he hadn't forgotten all that Hook did for him (yes there was a betrayal, but Neal knows better than anyone the regret of betraying someone you love and care for). Neal did what he had to do. Neal gave up his fears, wants, desires, needs to give Emma the best possible chance she had to save her family. To, once again, come back home. He needed to know that his son and the woman he has always loved would be SAFE. Hook could give him that.



What made this shocking to me - since "I called it" - is the fact that I was RIGHT. And how it was done. As devastating as the story is in this scene... it made me happy. Not just to be right, but that because we got to see MRJ once again. We'd see him one final time in Season 3 - in the season finale. These scenes were wonderful, but ripped open the fangirl wounds all over again. I've "self medicated" by binge watching the short lived Terriers (which they really need to have clips of on Youtube!)... Britt Pollack is Nealfire in the 11 years between leaving Emma and getting found in NYC I just know it! lol

30 Days of OUAT - Day 26: Most Heartfelt Moment

Day 26 - Most Heartfelt Moment

This is not the most heartfelt, but it's definitely one of them. I love the scene where Rumple is dying in his shop, Emma and Neal are desperately trying to protect him from Regina and Cora... but it's not working. The protection spell is weakening, and Rumple is succumbing to the poison (Nightshade courtesy of our beloved Captain Hook). Rumple says he's dying, Neal frustratedly disagrees with his father and sits on a stool to pout (because, lets face it, Neal is sometimes more that 14 year old Baelfire than the adult Neal). Rumple asks Emma to let him call Belle, who is in the hospital cursed with her curse memories (after being shot by, you guessed it, our beloved Captain Hook).

Rumple's phone call to the amnesia patient is touching, and heartfelt. Full of love. Emma and Neal both hear his words, and we see Neal's demeanor soften slightly. Remember, this guy has been running from his father for over 200 years at this point, and has been haunted by his father abandoning him for all of it. There's centuries of hurt and shame that he's not dealing with.

When Rumple ends his call, Neal tells his father he believed him incapable of such feelings. Rumple tells him he's full of love. Neal truly is Baelfire in this scene, as he confronts his father with the point that Rumple broke their deal (of all the deals Rumple's made the ONLY one he goes back on is the one with his son). Rumple apologizes to his son, asking his forgiveness... and then my favorite part of the whole thing... Rumple reaches his bloodstained hand out to his son asking him to take it. Neal looks down at it and says ever so quietly (and in a voice that would fit more as a boy than a man) "I'm still angry." It's once again Michael Raymond-James acting to perfection (seriously Robert and MRJ together is magic).  There is so much being said in those three words.

Watching Neal fight his pain, his anger, his mixed up emotions and finally take his father's hand and reconnect breaks my heart. I'd always felt a sense of joy that they were reconciling when watching this scene before... Season 3b ruined that for me. Now my heart just breaks (seriously, MRJ owes me my happiness back... I blame him as much as I do Adam and Eddy for ruining my life! LOL).



Thank you, Michael Raymond-James. I'm sorry it took me so long to fangirl! You're an amazing actor, and I can't wait to see what's next! (Seriously, it's been soon-ish! Dish on your next project!)

30 Days of OUAT - Day 20: Favorite Scene

 
Day 20 - Favorite Scene

Um, well... I have been sharing my favorites throughout the course of the meme... so... I guess I'll pick one of my favorites I haven't yet shared. And it's another scene from Manhattan (definitely one of my favorite episodes EVER), it comes right after Neal finds out he's a father. Rumple informs Neal that the deal with Emma was for her to get Neal to talk to Rumple. Neal tells him he's got three minutes... and then this scene happens. This is where two of OUAT's best actors shine. Robert and Michael had a great "father son" chemistry about them and it showed from the first episode they were in.

The scene is so... sad. It's where Neal gets to have a little bit of say into not only how he views his father, but what his father did to him. Yes, at the time of the episode's airing, we knew very little of what Bae went through with his father. We'd seen the young boy deal with the pain of his father turning to darkness and that his father let him go through the portal alone - but we didn't know the extent of the pain he suffered afterwards. We don't even know how long Nealfire's been away/alone (for the record it's over 200 years, way to go Papa Rumple).

And that's the part of the scene that I love most. After Neal lets Rumple have his 3 minutes, Neal shuts him down. He confesses that there hasn't been a day that's not gone by that he doesn't relive the haunting memory of his father letting him go. Of backing out of the deal. Of not being enough for his father... that his father would choose the safety of magic and a dagger over his own son. A son, who we later find out, who then goes through a multitude of losses and disappointments... only to end up making similar choices to that of his father.

Perhaps one of the reasons in the last few months that I've become such a staunch Nealfire fan is because I understand betrayal like he experienced. No, I was never dropped through a portral... my mother never ran off with a pirate... and that pirate never gave me over the Peter Pan's goons... But I do know what it's like to have people that you've loved, looked up to, respected... TRUSTED instinctively... not just "Back out of a deal" but completely misuse my trust and in a way fail me. I dealt with that for most of last year, having my parents use me to save the other sibling - when I not only had nothing to do with what caused the situation, but it also tanked my reputation within the community. It was devastating. I can safely say that reconciliation and rebuilding has been happening, but it's an up and down process. So perhaps that's why the entire Neal Cassidy arc not only speaks to me - but that I understand the entirety of it.

Still, I would love to have the guts to confront some of the darker parts of what happened the way he does... I need to get me some good writers and set the scene I suppose. But, to me, Neal not only has every right to be angry with his father - but he has the right to accept or reject him. He has the right to work out the demons how he sees fit. He has the right to ultimately forgive the man and tell him to let go (okay, yeah, I've now jumped back/forward to Quiet Minds again... dang).

I am a true believer in second chances - in all forms... and perhaps that's what Neal was supposed to get and didn't (though really... maybe that poster was not referring to Emma at all, but to Neal's forgiveness of his father).

Anyway, here's my "favorite" (today anyway) scene:


Can I also just whine for a moment - I know he just made the announcement on twitter like 4 days ago, but I really really really want to know what is next for Michael - I think 4 days is "soon-ish"! I want details! (And, seriously, if it isn't that he's going to be a regular on a great show... then I'm not sure I'll be any happier ha ha)

30 Days of OUAT - Day 19: Favorite Relationship

 Day 19 - Favorite Relationship

I'm going to cheat (Aimee said I could) and choose an "off camera" relationship that is probably one of the best bromances of all time. Michael Raymond-James and Colin O'Donoghue have to be the most adorable bffs OUAT has. While their characters on the show had a "love-hate" relationship, it seems the pair are actually quite fond of each other. They definitely fed off of one another during interviews - highly entertaining - and some of the stories they told on each other makes them sound like lifelong friends, not two dudes who found themselves newbies of the cast two years ago.

I have to say one the main reasons I love both of the characters and the actors is how they've interacted with each other and their castmates on social media (mainly Twitter). The OUAT cast seems to be very tight knit, which I think has really helped this show stay with fans. They're accessible, they're freaking hilarious, and we all eat it up!

One of the major reasons I'm so bummed about Neal's death on the show - which means MRJ is leaving - is we have seen less and less of the "Mikey Ray & Colin" moments on twitter. Pictures, banter... and then the interviews at Comic-Con and Good Morning America.

And the fan wars, oh the fan wars, why can't we all just be friends. Without this show, most of us wouldn't even know who these two are. So be thankful for Once Upon A Time and Adam & Eddie... and Michael, and Colin... and all of the cast. They've created magic and a lifelong fandom!

***Warning - MRJ likes to drop the F-bomb. I think he says it twice in this interview... maybe three times. You've been warned.***

Their friendship is what I think drove the part in Quiet Minds (there I go bringing that darn episode up again... I will forever obsess over it) where Hook and Neal have closure to their past. It would seem SO out of place if Neal wasn't the goner. I'm not sure if Hook knew what was coming - I'm still not convinced Hook wasn't aware that Neal sacrificed himself for his father and to get Hook the message to get Emma - or if we're just seeing Colin and Mike in this scene. In some ways their faces both tell that they know what's coming in this scene and later in the episode. And I can't help but believe that the scene was written with the two very much in mind. It just seems like it's a great way to give both actors that "farewell" moment. It was a touching scene that had a few winks to their past episodes (the jello reference is from a deleted hook scene from season 2), as well as a few winks to how they saw each other's characters. Just a great couple of minutes of television.




Because it's late and I'm lazy I'll just post photos of the "honorable mentions" of relationships I am a fan of in the actual show.

Emma & Charming - DADDY'S GIRL!

The most tragic, IMO, relationship.
Neal doesn't get back to his son, they don't
have the relationship they so desperately
need and crave. It's just WRONG!

How can anyone not love the story of
Rumpelstiltskin and Baelfire? It's so sad,
but in the end they come together and
reconcile and it's beautiful... and sad...
and it's just not fair!

30 Days of OUAT - Day 16: Saddest Moment

Day 16: Saddest Moment

I can't think of a sadder one. Neal Cassidy's death is without doubt the saddest moment in the show's run. For me it probably always will be. It's far more emotional than when Emma is arrested for stealing watches (because Neal left her, and August called in a tip. jerks.), it's more emotional than Snow and Charming letting their daughter go through the wardrobe... the list goes on and on. None of those affected me like the episode Quiet Minds. Ironically, until Quiet Minds, I was pretty indifferent to Neal's story. I liked him as a father, and he had a great set of lines, but as far as feeling sorry for him or anything, nope. He was "the jerk that abandoned" (his words!) Emma (and Henry).

It wasn't the surprise that it should've been - the creators spoiled it weeks in advance "warning" fans that someone was going to die when the show returned from the mid-season hiatus. They gave those of us who are rabid "over-analyzers" tons of time to work it out and figure out who was most likely to go (they gave us a very short list of possibilities). It really came down to either Neal or Belle, and of the two Belle is more popular. She's never betrayed the one she loves. So even before Quiet Minds airred I was 85% sure that it would be Neal. I was just hoping they weren't going to go for the obvious. As much as I was indifferent to the character, there was still ton of potential storyline - and there's the whole father element that I totally buy into no matter who the character is. Be it Nealfire and Rumple or Henry and Nealfire.

If you weren't convinced it was going to be him, the promo for the episode should've definitely tipped you off. It was clearly Neal Cassidy falling to the ground in pain. I played the denial card as I just couldn't believe they would be THAT blatant. And even if you were still holding out hope - by the time the scene with Neal and Hook came around you should have had NO confusion. I'm still not sure that Hook didn't know that it was Neal who warned him about the danger coming and that Emma was needed. It would at least explain why Hook looked SO SAD when he talked with Neal in the hospital. I'm of the belief that Hook knew the entire time what Neal's fate was/would be. If not, then we're seeing Colin in that scene being super bummed that his buddy on the show was leaving (most likely a combination of both scenarios ha ha).

When Hook gave Neal the hug in the hospital I knew without a doubt that Neal was toast. I may have even said some words I shouldn't have. I hate when a show makes it obvious. They should've just been up front about it. "Hey, MRJ fans, he's leaving the show. We're killing him off. Thanks for watching!" Because, really, judging by the blogs and social media posts from that night - Michael has a ton of fans that did not see it coming even with all of the signs. And that's sad. It's also sad that he's not on our TV every Sunday night, he's a fantastic actor and while he's definitely been noticed by the business they never keep him around long (he's chosen for this type of role way too much).

But, I digress.

The Saddest Moment is the scene where Neal dies. He asks Emma to split him from his father to keep the town, and especially Emma & Henry, safe. Neal is able to say goodbye to his father, with the final reconciliation taking place with Neal's last breath. Emma, too, gets a sense of closure with Neal telling her to go and be happy and "find Tallahassee" even if it's without him. Earlier in the episode he tells her he wants her to be happy no matter who she's with, and that he would always love her. Emma begs Neal to hold on, that he needs to see Henry (doing a 180 from when she talked to him in the hospital saying that with Henry not having his memories it would be better if Neal didn't see him). And that is what is most tragic about Neal's death. It was pretty clear that Neal and Emma would not get back together. That there was a love there, but the trust was most likely forever broken... (and I'm not a big swanfire shipper... it's a nice idea, but it wasn't playing out that way.)

The saddest, most tragic thing (aside from no more Mikey Ray on Sunday Nights ha ha) was that Neal couldn't make good on his promise to his son of seeing him again. That Henry is forever without his father - oh, he has father figures in his life, but that's not the same. Yes, Neal was in Henry's life for the equivalent of only a couple of weeks, but they WERE bonding and they did have a connection. And that will most likely play some sort of role into Henry's psyche. There's only so much that Hook and Emma can tell him of who Nealfire was... and who's to say Grandfather Rumple is going to be all that willing to have a relationship with the only thing he has left of Baelfire? Especially since Henry is also supposed to be his undoing. Season 4, I hope, will not erase Neal's memory - and hopefully we get answers.

And, yes, I'm one of those holding out hope that there is a way to bring Neal back. I don't believe that the creators have that option out on the table, but I know there are enough loopholes that it'd be possible if they suddenly wanted/needed to bring it about. At the very least I want flashbacks. Grief can't be so easily overcome, though Emma already grieved for Neal when he "died" at the end of Season 2. Probably the biggest travesty of the writing of Neal's death (the only one from a writer standpoint IMO) is that it happened so soon after the last time he died. This is also why I don't believe Nealfire fans will get their wish of Neal coming back. The man's been dead in one way or another 3 times so far. He comes back and it'll be seen as a poor writing choice. And it won't hold to MRJ's wanting to "tell bold stories".

I've been watching this scene on youtube for the last few days knowing that this prompt was coming up, and I love catching more and more with each viewing. As sad as it makes me (seriously my heart still drops each time, MRJ was flawless. Jen's voice cracking when it did... ugh!) there's just so much that is said through visual cues and nuance. We do truly see both Neal and Baelfire in his final moments, and we do see the love that's shared between "Swanfire". When Emma pleads with Neal, to argue with him about it being too late, he once again goes into the protector mode from all those years ago telling her it is going to be okay. That he'll be watching her and Henry "from somewhere". And you can see that he's not totally okay with it himself, he has his own tears. He's not afraid to die, he's made his peace with that, but he's watching the woman he loves in pain... and he's lost his son without seeing him again to say goodbye.

But, I think Rumple says what all of us Nealfire fans truly feel (then and still)...

"No. I don't want to let you go."

And we won't fully let go. We can't. As much as Neal's plea of "I need you to," is what he wants (and what we need), We can't let go. Because it's too soon. Because it's too raw... because the trio of actors played that scene out far too well (DARN THEM!). So, obviously, I have a ways to go until I'm "over it." I accept it - I don't disagree that it was a bold choice, or even ultimately the "right" way to end the character arc. I may disagree as to when it needed to happen (middle of season 4 would've been much better), but I don't think that it's the death nell of the show.


I am not one of those fans that believes that Neal died just to make it easier for creators to push the "CaptainSwan" shipping. That had been hinted as far back as Season 2, well before they had decided Neal was going to die. I think the deciding factor was their getting the rights to the Wizard or Oz, and Rebecca coming on board to play the Wicked Witch. This question of "why did they kill Neal" was answered in last weeks episode. Rumple needed a reason to betray Belle's trust, and the only person who trumps the love of his life is his son. They needed a catalyst to "kill off" Zelena (I'm not convinced she's dead) and Neal was the only viable option. It sucks, but from a storytelling/writing perspective I see why and where they were going.

As I said earlier, however, the timing was wrong. They just "killed him off" at the end of season two and brought him back in Season 3, only to have him die once again. It was "too soon a killing" (again from a storytelling/writing perspective). That's really the only major fault I can find within their timeline. This episode was one of the best (if not the best) written in the show's history, the pacing was the best they've had in a long time. I know I've said before that Neal's final arc should've been two episodes - and I still believe that - but as quick as it was, the pacing worked. I'm not sure I could handle a two part farewell anyway. Ha ha.

I know people are saying that Neal was very out of character in this episode, but I really don't see it. This is not the first time Neal's willing to get back to Emma and Henry by any means necessary. In the Season 3 opener he's willing to go into his father's castle to find a way to get back - using "blood magic". No, it wasn't dark magic, but he was pretty determined and wasn't completely against the idea. I mean, he ends up using Robin Hood's son as bait to get Pan's shadow to appear!

Secondly, Neal does make rash decisions where family is concerned. Not always, but this IS the guy who sent Emma to prison because Pinocchio told him to (actually Neal didn't know about that until AFTER it happened, but still). This is the guy who watched his father give up his cowardly ways to save his family and sacrifice himself. Neal may not like what the dark magic did to his family, to his father, but at the same time he needed a loophole (much like his fans are now clinging to the hope of a loophole).

Third, the argument that he wouldn't give up on Emma and his relationship so easily - he already was starting to the "year prior" when crap hit the fan with Pan in Storybrooke. Neal even acknowledged in the hospital that he knew he couldn't come barging back into Emma's life. In season 2 it wasn't Neal who sought Emma out or even pursued her. The only time he "fought for" Emma was when it was Hook who was flirting. (Hook, btw, did think that Neal should have the first shot... when Emma blew off Neal that made it fair game.) Ultimately he wants Emma safe and happy - if that means all he is, is the guy who shares custody of their son, that's what he'll be. He's willing to put Emma before himself - which is a 180 in some ways (or at least in Emma's eyes) from what he was 11 years ago when he left her.

Was it an "easy" choice for the creators? Only they truly know. Did they mistreat Michael Raymond-James in some way? I would argue no, but again we will never know. Fans should take the actor at his word - even if what [little] he's said on the subject seems like a lot of "toeing the line". Both sides acknowledge that they discussed and agreed to this ending for Neal. I'm not saying it was the way MRJ wanted it to end, but ultimately he's made his peace with it - and was on board with it. To suggest anything else - at this point - is to suggest he's a liar... and I know his fans don't mean to come off that way (or at least I hope they don't).

Maybe once this season is over and his contract with OUAT is up he can "break radio silence" and answer those questions that folks have. Maybe. But to vilify the shows creators over it seems a little extreme. Remember, without Adam Horowitz and Eddie Kitsis, we would not have Neal Cassidy. Most of us wouldn't have a clue as to who Michael Raymond-James is (okay, unless you were into True Blood... or Terriers - which I am addicted to, and wish it'd made it). I'm not saying they did him favors (he's a bloody gifted actor who deserves a series that won't kill him off after 20 or so episodes), I'm just saying we wouldn't have had this awesome character without them. They've done things right and ultimately Once Upon A Time is still a great show. It's never been perfect, it's never been on par with the "best shows of all time", but it's a great fantasy show. Great twists. So I'm sticking with it - even with the "lovesick pirate".

And, who knows, maybe the "rumors" that MRJ denied are really true and we'll see him finally get his big break. I have hope and can keep dreaming. :)