I don't know if it's work - which is a job, not a passion... yet again - or the living situation drama, or the hermit lifestyle I've led these last six years or so... but I just have been in this set pattern of blahs. Aside from vacations to Disney... and the Iditarod... I really haven't had much to look forward to or get excited about. It's frustrating, but at the same time I'm just not enthusiastic about changing the situation either. It could be laziness, or maybe I just don't give a real care to change. I look around me and all of these people are so much better at what we do, have these amazing families - which yes I know have their own trials, tribulations and moments of discontentedness - and I can't help but feel like I'm still stuck where I was in 2003, the only difference is back then I had a whole world of possibilities... now, nothing. I'm in that rut, I've gone back to the one place I promised myself I wouldn't go. And I'm just. UGH!
I don't understand why I am this way. I don't understand why I can't take the bull by the horns. Why I can't seem to even make a sale in my job or with photography! I just feel very inept. I have Two Years before I'm old enough to attend a high school reunion but what will I have to show for it? I'll be the loser on the corner. And not even a good kind of loser.
So, yeah, I have the blahs. And I'm tired of people saying "look on the bright side" quoting a Bible verse or saying "it'll get better" and then tell me their lifestory. Because, honestly, I don't care. I don't want a comforting word. I don't want a "pick me up." I just want to vent, and when I vent I don't want someone to answer back. I just want to scream and hear the lonely echo. So let me do that.
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| and, yes, this was taken right outside my door. Gonna miss this sight. |
And so this post isn't a total loss, let me add a photo.
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