So I could've adopted a puppy yesterday...

I drove up to Anchorage yesterday to meet a puppy named Chuckie at Polar Pug Rescue. He is a Chihuahua-Pug mix. He's 11 months old. He's pretty cute, though his face is definitely Chihuahua with pug markings. He was more pug in personality from what we could tell and what they told us.

I was really excited about it going up. Getting there, though, I started having doubts that this was going to work. Vickie brought the boy in and he... ignored me. Which was fine because I already was not feeling it. All it did was make me want Yuka back. It didn't help that while talking with Vickie the conversation turned to the loss.

Chuckie loved my mom (the feeling was mutual). I'm honestly surprised she didn't snatch him up. He will have no problems finding a home. We just didn't connect.

I'm just not ready.

I cried at gpa's house afterwards... twice... I still really want a dog... I just... there's something holding me back. And I don't know what it is...

But at the same time I kinda wish I took him. He was pretty cute, he just had no real interest in me. But that isn't always a bad thing. Jordy hated me when we got him. HATED me. And became my dog several months after being dad's dog ha ha. Yuka ran and hid from me when we went to get her, and preferred her Auntie Erin... it took several sleepless nights with me cuddling her in her area before she was my girl...

I don't know. I just fear that I'm never going to get over her loss enough to allow another pup in.